The 33 Lessons I Learned In My 33rd Year
It’s always hard to believe that yet another year has transpired, that the clock has kept on ticking and here I am once again at my birthday. Our birthdays - the ever consistent marker of moments that have passed. Today, I hit my 33rd year on this planet and the amount of moments I’ve had this year are plenty. Moments of joy, moments of sorrow, and moments of awe.
This birthday while not particularly special in any way, feels like a monumentious birthday, although not considered a milestone year like 21 or 30, I feel triumphant to have made it to this day, especially when there were many times throughout this year it felt like the time had stopped and this 33rd year would not arrive. Like all years though, the feeling of being stopped was just that a feeling, but not a truth. As the earth has continued to spin on its axis, my life has continued to move forward, bringing me (and you) right here to this moment in time. As I sit on the edge of my 33rd year and a new century to begin living (hello 2022), I wanted to take a pause and reflect on all the learning I’ve had this year.
Below you’ll find the small truths that have been my foundation on my toughest days and my big hopes during my best ones. I hope that you too can take a moment to pause, whether it’s to reflect on a year lived (or a year survived) or simply to buoy yourself as we enter the new year.
Reflection allows us to be a mirror for our own wisdom and helps us make meaning of all that we’ve gone through.
The 33 Lessons I learned In My 33rd Year
I really like myself | Seems obvious right? But this year showed me that I not only like myself, but I really like myself. I don’t get it right all the time and there are days when I’m filled with guilt, worry, or doubt but at the end of the day, I like ME.
Time is cyclical | Just like the seasons, time itself is cyclical. There will be summers filled with moments of joy and winters filled with challenges, but the challenges will always fade and the joy will also return in time.
8hrs of sleep is a non-negotiable | I can’t function off of any less and that is that.
I don’t need to reply right away, but I do need to reply at some point | I used to beat myself up about not replying to texts in a timely manner and then I realized I was being too hard on myself. I don’t need to be accessible constantly, but I do need to reply eventually :)
I’m going to disappoint people, regularly | There’s no beating around the bush on this one. I am regularly going to disappoint people but as long as I’m not disappointing myself that’s okay.
Anticipatory grief is a bitch | Excuse my language, but in the essence of transparency, I want to be real with you. Having a sick parent and anticipating what the future may or may not be is the hardest. It hits you like a punch in a gut every time you think you may have found a way to cope, its rough edges showing up when you least expect it.
We is so much more rewarding than ME | Building my own team and then cultivating belonging, authenticity, and wholeheartedness on that team is the honor of my life. Collective wins are so much sweeter than singular ones.
Books are a blessing | Whether is a fiction or non-fiction read, books are my favorite advisors, coaches, and mentors, helping me untangle my emotions or teaching me something new.
It’s okay to “drop the ball” | This wisdom comes from the admirable Tiffany Dufu, who in her book by the same title, teaches us that we can’t do it all, especially if we don’t loosen our grip on trying to control everything. So instead, she encourages us all to “drop the ball” and let others pick it up. A message I’ve taken to heart this year.
Dog fur is one of the best medicines | I have a pup that majorly sheds and instead of getting annoyed with all the dog hair on my clothes and in my house, I look at those little furs as love and a reminder of how lucky I am to have my fur-child (while still keeping lots of lint rollers on hand).
Boundaries are essential | We teach people how to treat us and how they can access us, with boundaries being the true foundation of all of this. Choosing when and how we show up is in our control.
We teach through our actions, not our words | Words are amazing and have power, but actions are where true impact is made. We build our identities and our reputations through our actions.
We are capable of so much more than we thought | If you would have asked me a year ago if I could take on grad school, build a team and maintain my friendships I would have said, “probably not” but the truth is we can flex and we can tackle the things that are most meaningful to us.
It’s always going to feel like work | I don’t believe the old adage that if “you’re doing what you love you’ll never work a day in your life”. The truth is (IMO), it’s always going to feel like work, there are always going to be elements of the things we love that we actually don’t like, telling ourselves otherwise only makes it harder on ourselves.
It’s okay to change your mind | If I could triple bold this one, I would. It’s okay to change our stance on our politics, vaccines, and pretty much anything as we learn more, understand more and gather more information. We aren’t married to our beliefs. The beautiful part of being human is that we can change, we can evolve, we can grow.
People come before the work | I’ve seen so many leaders get this wrong, overly focused on the work vs. their teams. That’s a recipe for disaster because the work can’t get done without the people. The people are the heartbeat, the people are the lifeblood - not the brand, not the product, not the thousands of other things you could fill in the blank with.
True friendship is flexible | If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that we have to be flexible. Things can change in an instant. The same can be said for friendship. People change, lives are busy and without flexibility, friendships can’t expand. True friendship isn’t something that lives within parameters like how often you see or talk to each other. It’s in the connection that is shared and the connection has no set guidelines.
Integrated leadership is the future | Long gone are the days when you have to show up to work as a one-dimensional worker, hiding your hobbies, interests, and passions that may clash with your day-to-day job responsibilities. The future is in bringing our whole selves into everything we do. Integrating all the parts of ourselves allow us to lead better, have more creative ideas, and feel more fulfilled.
It’s not an “either/or” it’s an “and” | Living life in the confines of binary decision making is long gone. Decisions don’t have to be an either/or anymore but rather an AND. I can be an amazing media director AND have my own organizational development consultancy. You get the gist of it.
It doesn’t have to all get done in a day | Many times the best things take time, but we’ve been taught to have instant gratification in the age of cell phones and social media. We must remind ourselves that we don’t have to conquer the world or our to-do lists in a day. We can give ourselves the gift of time.
Leave room for surprises | Never did I expect my boss to leave and that I would get promoted into his role. It just wasn’t even on my radar. Yes, I knew I could do the work and do it well, I just didn’t know it was a possibility to happen this YEAR. What this taught me is to leave room for surprises, we can be avid planners but the surprises in life are usually the things that alter our life trajectories the most (and most positively).
Making yourself small, makes others small too | Boy have I been the culprit of making myself small — trying to tame my enthusiasm or positivity to make others feel more comfortable. What I’ve realized though, is that when we make ourselves small, we make others small by proxy. Conversely, when we expand and take up all the space that is us, we create more space for others to do the same.
It’s about influence, not control or ownership | Too many times at work I see people focused on “owning” or “controlling” something. It could be creative, budget, or even resources. The truth is though, it’s not about what you own or even what you control, it’s about what you can influence. Influence my friends, is a far greater pursuit.
Cry all the tears | Too many times we’re embarrassed by our tears. We try our hardest (at least I do) to suppress them and push them down. This usually ends up with a waterfall of tears, likely far greater than if we’d let them shed naturally in the first place. This year has taught me that releasing all the tears is admirable and necessary (I even learned this is a way we complete the stress cycle).
You are your best advocate | I say this to my team regularly, but it’s true at work and at home. YOU are your best advocate. You know yourself better than anyone, speak up on behalf of yourself.
Put on the pants | this one makes me giggle because anyone that knows me well or has worked with me this last year knows that 99% of the time throughout the pandemic I’ve fully gotten dressed every day, including putting on real pants (no pajama bottoms for me). Getting dressed makes me feel more confident and more like me!
Your voice matters | Even when you think it doesn’t, even when it comes out shakey, even when it’s the smallest/quietest voice in the room - it matters.
Weight is just a number | I don’t know about you, but I’m so sick of all the conversations about weight and the scale. I’m also sick of my own internal thoughts beating me up about the covid pounds I gained. The truth is, weight is simply a number, it’s our choice what meaning we give that number. For me, I’m ditching the scale and focusing on how I feel.
Houses and cars are simply just that, houses and cars | It’s probably just me (and I admit my privilege here being that I am so lucky and blessed to have a roof over my head and a working vehicle to drive) but I just don’t really care about cars or houses in the way most people do. Too often I hear people talking up upgrading to a bigger, fancier, larger property home or purchasing a designer car (is that even what’s its called?) and I just don’t feel drawn to that. I love my current cozy home and my current car, no upgrades are needed.
Who I am today, is not who I’ll be tomorrow | Isn’t that a relief? I will forever be grateful that I can continue to grow, learn and evolve.
We are what we consume | I know that most of us know this, but I really put this into practice this year. I made sure to clear out my socials, my email inbox and the TV/Movies I watch to only reflect what was most meaningful to me, what made me think, what challenged me and what inspired me. While I still get caught up in some endless scrolling, I at least know I’m scrolling through things that reflect my values.
Life is a gift | We never know when our time is up or when time will be up for those we care most deeply about. All we have is this moment, right here and right now. Our job is to make the best of it.
Always look at the desert menu | Whether you actually get the desert or not, at least you gave yourself the option :)