Three ways to navigate grief.
Wading through the crap-fest known as grief(at least that’s what I’m calling it these days) is freakin’ HARD. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable and it’s confusing. One moment you’re feeling completely fine and the next you’re crying rivers and feeling the farthest from a-okay. And while it’s easy in those moments for your inner critic to start screaming “what’s wrong with you?!” I urge you to stop that inner dialogue in its tracks. Instead, think of the kind, compassionate human you are to your most cherished friends/family and direct that empathy towards yourself.
Over the last two months of navigating the grief of a returning cancer diagnosis for my mom and feeling the collective grief we’ve been experiencing due to the rona, I’ve come up with three coping-mechanisms that have been game-changing for me in navigating my own grief and I hope it can offer some relief to you too:
1 -- Be okay with it NOT being okay. We don’t need to pretend we have it all together because let’s be honest, we don’t. We’re all just winging it, every-single-day(and if you’re not, let’s talk because I need your tips!). The worst thing we can do in the midst of grief is act like we’re alright. If you’re looking for permission to admit that it’s not okay, here it is: it’s okay to not be okay. That doesn’t make you less than or less capable of anything in your life. It only means you’re human, experiencing human emotions. And when you allow yourself to not be okay and you tell others that you’re not okay, you open yourself up to more support from those around you.
2 -- Continue to take ACTION. It would be easy to drown in the despair that grief can bring on, but when we allow ourselves to get lost in the despair we forget that we still have it within our control to continue moving forward. To take the baby steps. What’s the smallest action that you can take today to continue to live out your life? For me, it’s been continuing to serve my clients well, spending time reading outside(even when I want to just hide under the covers) and playing with Sampson in the yard. The action doesn’t have to be big, it just has to keep you moving.
3-- Get the HELP you need. Much like lesson number one, lesson number two is vitally important. Many times we want to shoulder the burden of grief alone, not wanting to put the weight on our closest family and friends. But we forget that we don’t have to hold it ourselves, we forget that there are others that willingly want to help us. For me, this has looked like regular check-ins with my husband, talking through how I’m feeling(and how he’s feeling too). It’s also meant scheduling time with a grief therapist to work through all the emotions. Take the stigma away that asking for help makes you less than or weak or anything else that your mean inner critic is making up. Asking for help makes us stronger and it gives others permission to ask for help too.
No matter what type of grief you’re experiencing right now, I hope you know that you aren’t alone. While all of us aren’t experiencing grief in the same way, we should be able to empathize with one another as we navigate our individual grief.